What is everyone’s friendship looking like since becoming a mother? Has it gotten better or worse? What is the value of friendship before and after motherhood?
Friendship levels since mother hood has definitely changed. To say it changed for the better or worse might be an understatement. Most of the single friends or the friends that don’t have kids tend to hang out with the people who have the same status as them. They slowly phase themselves out of gatherings that involve children in most cases. Birthday parties and celebrations of any type start to have less friends and more acquaintances through your kids or kid related relationships.
Friendship Before Motherhood
I definitely understand it because before I had kids myself, the only kids activities I participated in were for my niece and nephews. Other than that, I wasn’t too interested in watching parents chasing after their children. Having to listen to children screaming and crying outside of my work was not something of interest.
I worked with kids for so long that, away from work, I wasn’t too interested in kids event.s Occasionally, I would be invited to birthday parties of the kids at work and I would attend, but it wasn’t a regular thing. Outside of work, I just wanted to do my own thing with my friends, without having to deal with more kids, so I understand how others might feel as well.
Friendship After Motherhood
Then slowly, you start making friendships with mothers who have kids within the same age group or have similar interests. Most of the time it will involve kids in someway. Whether it’s a play date or a school event, you start gathering in parent groups. You start sharing your stories with one another and many times, you’ll see that they are or were on the same boat as you at some of time in their parenthood/motherhood.
That’s when the friendship starts to development. When you find someone who can agree with you or experience similar things, you start to create a bond. You realize that this person or these people will understand what you are going through and will not make judgements, for the most part.
Friendship That I Miss
I must say that sometimes I miss being with friends without all of our children there. Just to be able to go out to eat and enjoy a good time without having to chase after kids, or wiping their mouth and hands full of food. What I miss the most is being able to just drop things and go for a drink, to relax from a hard day at work.
I miss not having to be home because it’s getting late for kids bedtimes. (I wasn’t too strict with bedtimes on the weekends). The spontaneous trips without having to pack EVERYTHING the kids need is something I miss as well. Nowadays when we try to go somewhere, the kids things come first before mine.
Friendship Before And After
And then there’s friendship that maintained from before motherhood and continues on until motherhood, mainly because of children. Friends before having kids, start having children around the same time. It helps them close in time and continue their friendship as mothers. The friendship carries on with more conversations about children, but you can still pick up where you left off as “friends” before mothers.
But motherhood is a different type of life and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Whether the friendships change for the better or the worse, I’m content with my friendships now. People come and people go in life and it’s just the circle of life. So friendship since motherhood has changed but it’s a new relationship. It’s almost like building a relationship with an accountability partner (other than your spouse). They can help you walk through this parenting path with you.